2005-04-17 02:39:02 UTC
By Glenn Colquhoun
My great great Grandfather was from Luss
This is a village on the shores of Loch Lomond
My parents hang his coat of arms on their wall
My great great Grandmother was a Murray
She lived in Glasgow, by the Clyde
I don't know if their families fought
But I wouldn't be surprised.
Some Murrays lived in Whangape
I guess we are related
Except that I am Pakeha
And they are part Te Rarawa.
Somewhere along the line
I have managed to colonise myself.
It is not the first time this has happened.
My Grandmother's Grandfather was from England
This has been a problem for the Scots.
I can't forget what I did to myself at Culloden.
Or what Edward Longshanks
Did to William Wallace in Braveheart.
I still hate the bastard which of course I am.
And if that is not bad enough
My Grandmother's Grandmother is German.
And so is my Grandmother's Mum.
One half of me has lost a war, the other half has one.
Even more complicated is the fact
That my Mother's father's family are Jacobs
Which if I'm not mistaken makes us Jewish,
Who of course wont speak to the Germans,
No-one mentions they were from Tasmania.
Sometimes I don't know how to live with myself,
I am a civil war.
The Australians fight the English
And keep the Scots happy.
The Scottish fight the English
And then they fight themselves.
The English are offended
And wont speak to the Germans.
This annoys the Germans,
Who of course annoy the Jews.
The Pakeha think they own the place
The Maori want us all to go home.
I would if I knew where that was.
Sometimes it seems I'll never win.
Sometimes I never lose.